Coming out of the Closet: Mental Illnesses (Bipolar Disorder)

Special thanks to the International Bipolar Foundation for this article, and the Huffington Post!

http://www.ibpf.org

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danielle-hark/living-with-bipolar_b_5475387.html

Please read this article if you struggle with any kind of mental illness. Some parts can apply to all and I even thought most of what was said really hit home. My condition is by far nowhere near as bad as what is mentioned in the article. It is still mild, thank God for that.

🙂

Even before I was diagnosed I felt “crazy.” I didn’t understand why I just couldn’t finish school. Why I couldn’t be like everyone else. I would have bursts of energy where I could do things all the time, but then I would shut down and just want to be at home with my computer games. Warcraft, World of Warcraft, StarCraft, Diablo, Hearthstone, Age of Empires, Zelda, League of Legends, and many more are my escape. The plus side is I can make online friends on the side. Several people on my Facebook friends list I met in game. I even met the boyfriend I am currently dating on Warcraft (long story but I ended up moving from Virginia to NY for him etc…). The fact is that I just plain don’t want to go out and brave the crowds of people. I want to sit at home with my headset and joke around with my online buddies while enjoying a decent game.

I no longer really have that choice because as of next week I will be working 40+ hours a week (thank GOD seriously). Just wanted to point out the role gaming has played in my life. They may be an escape from real life problems, but these people online can’t see you. They don’t judge you for your looks, or what your life is like, they take you for who you are. It is sometimes exactly what I needed, and it is a unique and special kind of therapy.

*warning, not everyone online is nice, ignore and block all the jerks*

My favorite quotes from this article “Coming out of the Bipolar Closet” are:

  • “At the moment of diagnosis, you went from being that person — the eccentric-but-sometimes-sad creative — to that person: the crazy one. You know, the person on the subway who you avert your eyes from because you don’t want them to talk to you or get too close. You’re unpredictable. You’re freakish. You’re scary.”
    • This is why I hate telling some people about my illness.
    • Reactions:
      • You need to pray for healing, God can heal you. I have a question for you…Maybe God made me this way for a purpose? God doesn’t answer all prayers all the time, and believe me I have definitely spent enough time crying asking for things to change.
      • You just need better self-control. Oh really? I’m sorry not matter what I do I am probably still going to leave the stove on at times, walk away and forget what I was doing in a millisecond, forget our important dates. I do what I can and keep everything on my IPad calendar, and to set alarms, but I can’t even remember to take my pills half the time for goodness sakes! I can try to change, but I can’t make any guarantees. I have an illness that isn’t curable right now. Don’t expect me to be able to do everything you are capable of. Mental illness is not an excuse, but it is real. More education and knowledge should be a number one priority to promote understanding and compassion..
  • “If your Facebook world doesn’t know, perhaps it isn’t real.”
    • True. Until recently when I made my www.facebook.com/fightwithfitness Facebook page I tried to keep everything to myself for the most part. However I am a very open person at other times, and I tend to want to talk about my problems with EVERYONE. I feel like if I get enough opinions on something then I can make a better informed decision.
  • “Frustration. Anger. Guilt. Shame. Sadness. Repeat…”
    • This is EXACTLY how I end up feeling. Every time I drop out and fail a semester. Every time I overflow the bathtub or emotionally explode.
  • “You look around you at the shambles that your life has become, and you see that there are still a few people in your life that find you worth fighting for, and that perhaps you should fight through this for them, and maybe one day you will even do it for yourself. You are strong. You are capable. You are talented. You are worthy of a life worth living. A change will come. So you get your butt out of bed and make a sandwich. It’s a start.”
    • In my case, get my butt out of bed and go to the gym! I’m going I’m going!!! ❤

Below is my little cuddle bears Dino. Without him to always be happy to see me, give me kisses, and love me unconditionally, I am not sure if I would still be here today. I get such a sense of happiness and love whenever I see that little tail come running around the corner when I get home from work. Best thing ever.

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