I am a busy girl, and between working out and my 3 jobs right now I get a little tired. Therefore mass posting occurs!
First on my agenda is my gym friend’s competition! She worked so hard, and really stuck to her meal plans, so of course she looked amazing! You can follow her progress etc. at: Instagram: ashl3ycrews
Here are some photos from her show:
I have met some really great and friendly people at my jobs, and have had a strange resurgent in my social life. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love it! I am just tiirreedddd lol I am slowly starting to realize I am not as young as I used to be :-p I neeeed my sleep! Specially with everything I am doing! However, how can I say no to the opportunity to do myself up and go out! My favorite thing to do! As well as be with fun and sweet people!
First on my list is my night out with the other Ashley! (too many Ashleys lol) She is also working towards a competition of her own and runs her own Instagram page: ashleyclyne ! We went out in toga a couple of times recently (she just turned 21 recently so of course I love taking her out and being her DD!). Here are some photos of our shenanigans and some photos of her herself so you can see what she is all about!
Alsooo my idea to make a Halloween costume totally fell through when the sewing machine ended up being broken! I had a backup plan though so I went to see Hunter Hayes instead! It was such an amazing concert and fun! He is so talented, and a complete cutie. He played many different guitars, the piano, and the drums during the concert. Had a really really fun time!
My life is still hard right now. I am making some extremely difficult decisions that I am not too happy about. Some of which make me vulnerable, and I hate feeling unsure and insecure. I will push through this though and be stronger than ever in the end, like always. I am just glad I have so much to do to keep me busy, helps me to keep going. Plus I am meeting some great people who have really brightened my days as well <3. I haven’t had any major depression or anxiety problems since last year! So hooray for that! 🙂
So already I am behind on my schedule! *grrr* I was SUPPOSED to do leg day on Monday…but hey I guess everything doesn’t always go as planned and we just have to improvise ;). This workout was particularly hard for me, possibly because it was my first time at the gym since I got sick. I didn’t get to get everything in, but what I missed I will add in later on today after work!
15 minute warm up on the elliptical
Leg extension machine x12 (3 sets)
I WAS going to do the leg curl machine afterwards, but you know…some ladies need their social time and thus decide that they need to do it while they are “working out”…. Makes me so angry. DO NOT DO THIS!!! There are people who go to the gym to actually accomplish something rather than exercising their jaw muscles… Have a little respect and consideration for others <3.
Sorry about the rant, might feel a little strongly about this :-p.
Ok :-p I think I got that off my chest ❤
back to my workout…
Smith machine squats (narrow, wide, sumo)
20lbs x12, 12, 12
40lbs x12, 12, 12
60lbw x12, 12, 12
80lbs x7, 7, 7
100lbs x3, 2, 3
Romanian deadlifts (60lbs) and lunges
x20 (deadlifts), 20 (lunges on each leg, so total of 40)
Seated calf raise (in, middle, out)
70lbs x12, 12, 12
75lbs x12, 12, 12
80lbs x12, 12, 12
Dumbbell squat 25lbs for the duration of the song : Wiggle by Jason Derulo (yes I know…I just can’t help myself…)
Side lunges for the duration of the songs: Stay with My by Sam Smith, and Wild Love by Pitbull
I then had to haul a** out of the gym to make to do dinner with Nate and Paige!
Have I ever mentioned how telling the truth of how things are in your life and fessing up are the hardest things for me? I am so much better at blocking out the bad and pushing forward. Sometimes though, you cannot keep running, it eventually catches up. Which totally sucks by the way :-p
So I saw my doctor and confessed to him everything that has been going on. How I didn’t finish school, and have not been really great about taking my medication like I should. He gave me homework:
#1- get an app to remind me to take my pills, and actually do it
#2- get in touch with my advisor and talk to her about everything
He also mentioned that possibly my venture into this whole fitness thing might be some sort of coping mechanism to help me feel better about not doing well in school. Sort of a, I am working hard in one area to make up for my lacking in the other. While I do not regret the choice to live a healthier lifestyle, this does makes sense, and I am going to try to be more aware of it, and I am never going to give up on school. I will finish no matter how long it takes me!
#3- I have to get another hand brace that fits properly. The official diagnosis is De Quervains Tenosynovitis! So I just need to take some Aleve, ice my hand, and give it tons of rest. Nothing major, just more annoying than anything.
And just remember!
Keep up the hard work in whatever you are doing. Something is better than nothing!
So yesterday I officially went on my first bike ride in who knows how many years. It all came back too, I didn’t fall off and face plant onto the cement (yay haha).
Look at my little biker self :-p
Anywaysss… My roommate has been biking to and from work for sometime now and I can see why she does it (besides having a completely crappy car that breaks down on her all the time…). It was a decent workout, and I could really feel it in my quads for the small amount of time we spent riding around the neighborhood. Great way to get out and about, and even participate in some cool fundraisers/charity events (such as the Tour De Cure!).
(haha sorry just had to add that picture…I crack myself up baha)
Just thought I would throw this on my main page also! ❤
I had, for many years, thought there was something very wrong. If you know what I mean you understand how one can feel “crazy,” and that no matter what they do they can’t seem to fix the issue.
I have memories of days or periods of time when I would feel amazing and be able to drink anything, do anything, and be anything. I would charge things to credit cards because it felt good to do things I couldn’t afford. I acted uncharacteristically wild, and although I do reflect on those times with a strange sort of fondness, I know they were horribly wrong.Then there were the times when I would just lose the will and ability to push forward. I would become mentally and sometimes physically down to the point where I couldn’t finish my semesters in college. Fatigue and crushing sadness caused me to miss out on a lot of opportunities, and pushed my life goals farther and farther from reach. People might say you just didn’t try or study hard enough, or I am lazy. Let me correct you on this. I have had a 106.5 final grade in Anatomy, and I even held and instructed study sessions in my home. I have over a 3.0 GPA on my associates degree from my community college and most of my grades are all A’s and B’s if you were to look at my transcripts. I even worked 30+ hours at 2 jobs while taking 6 classes this past spring of 2013 ( in which I received all A’s and B’s).
Recently, this past fall, I had another episode of depression where I could barely get out of bed. It was right at the beginning of my second semester at yet another university. If you have not experienced it, I cannot explain to you how I just can’t do what I want and/or need to do. I get a strange sort of anxiety when it comes to doing schoolwork, so it is almost impossible for me to study, write papers, or get any homework done. It is inexplicably frustrating and the oncoming failure just piles guilt and embarrassment right on top of everything else. Luckily, I have a tremendously wonderful support group of doctors, friends, and family, who helped me to understand and recognize my symptoms.
I had been previously diagnosed with ADD. so I was on generic Adderall. Needless to say, the medication most likely only aggravated some of my symptoms. I ended up with tachycardia (fast heart beat) and palpitations due to the stress and anxiety, and was put on a beta blocker. I couldn’t remember things, I was extremely forgetful to the point where I overflowed the bathtub for 20 minutes while I was in the next room. (I was a mess!) I finally broke down and went to the doctor and was like “something is extremely wrong.” I wrote a summary of all of the things I felt were off that I had done/gone through in my life in a document and gave it to him. He read everything and suggested that he thought I might be bipolar. Now you might find this weird, but I was so relieved to finally get an answer/explanation to everything that had been going on. It is awful to feel like you cannot function properly, but have others telling you there is no reason why you can’t. It is very difficult for people who have not experienced mental illness personally to really grasp the concept of the symptoms and their repercussions. With knowledge comes understanding, and this is my goal in life. To learn more about myself, my symptoms, my illness, and the path to a better life. I don’t care if I am not specifically bipolar or not. I know I have anxiety, depression, and manic issues.
Never be afraid to admit you are weak and suffering. Say something. If one person dismisses you find another who will listen with an open mind. You are not crazy, you just have mental obstacles to overcome. You are not weak, your strength just lies somewhere else.
Remember most people struggle silently. Try to be courteous and nice to everyone you meet. A smile or wave just might brighten someone’s day, or even save a life. I am here for you. I usually don’t let people know when I am down, or anxious, until it is too late. People with mental illnesses are not going to run around saying ‘I’m DEPRESSED!!” to everyone. Really? No… They are more likely going to try to hide it.