3 Day Refresh Another Part of My Fitness Journey <3

What is the 3 day refresh!? Watch the video!

If you are interested in it, or any of the Beachbody products

Go to my page: www.beachbodycoach.com/FIGHTWITHFITNESS

Click on shop- and get to it!

Also before deciding on anything I would be happy to discuss with you your fitness/weight loss goals.

Beachbody has so much to offer, it can sometimes be overwhelming.

Let me help you find your perfect fit!

Here is my journal I kept during my refresh.

To give you somewhat of an idea of what it was like.

Best part about this! You get to eat food!!! It isn’t one of those awful fasting cleanses.

Day 1 Refresh

  • Felt pretty good. No major cravings or anything.
  • Just need to highlight the fact that when they say drink the fiber mixture immediately. DO IT. Lol It congeals and gets thick of you do not drink it right away. My suggestion: chug it.
  • I was proud of myself too! I even went out with my friends to a bar and just drank water all night! I didn’t let temptation get in my way. (but boy did that glass of wine look good….)

Day 2 Refresh

  • 2:33pm
    • I have honestly been struggling kind of all day
    • I am starving right now but I haven’t had my vanilla shake yet. Just about to drink it!
    • I keep dreaming about this bbq chicken grilled cheese sandwich. I am seeing it in my dreams right now lmao…
    • Monday can’t come fast enough!!!
  • 9:00pm
    • Ok so I almost had it tonight. I was so hungry and feeling weak.
    • Then I realized…
      • Rule #1- DO NOT do a 3 day refresh right after you were recovering from a pretty nasty stomach bug. Probably not the best idea (I’m not sure but I am not going to recommend it to anyone! Baha). I was already exhausted
      • Rule #2- If you do something like that, just take it easy the whole weekend. Don’t even try to anything other than a light walk etc… I tried to do yoga and I just couldn’t make it through.
      • Rule #3- Do eat the dinner. EAT the dinner. Omg haha I think that is where my hunger problems came from yesterday. I forgot to eat a proper dinner on Day 1.
    • For dinner I had a carrot, broccoli, collard greens, bean pods (if that is even what you call them haha) etc. Basically a vegetable medley. That really helped.

Day 3 Refresh

  • 8:00am
    • Still feeling full from last night’s dinner thank God haha
    • Just had my water, now it is shakeo time ❤
  • 11:00am
    • I cannot emphasize enough how you should literally mix your fiber sweep and immediately chug it. This doesn’t give the fiber time to absorb the water and become thick/chunky. CHUG THAT SH*** :-p
  • 10:00pm
    • Omg where did the time go!
    • So I am officially feeling great.
    • I had enough energy to go to the playground with my niece today and even carry her on my shoulders half the way! Haha and I am still awake and working my butt off!
    • Overall, loved the 3 day refresh. I am positive it is going to help me with my food cravings from now on, and help me boost my energy during the day.
    • Just eat the dinners, for the love of god. Do not run around like a hangry beast :-p

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Taking Care of Business

Loan Forgiveness

So I finally got around to looking into what to do with my student loans. My problem is that I have accrued debt (not a crazy amount compared to others, but enough to hurt) over the years through student loans for semesters where I haven’t finished/dropped out do to mental health issues. I was looking into how to possible get this fixed and I found the TPD student loan forgiveness.

http://www.disabilitydischarge.com/home/

My only problem with claiming this is the wording in which they state the qualifications. I have been having these issues for over 60 months, but I am still functional most of the time. I have always been able to hold a job and get by in life. I can put on a good face for the world, but when I am alone sometimes I fall apart. Which is why I work so much now, I am better busy and working all the time, than sitting at home brooding (not to mention I need the mulahhh). So I don’t know if I qualify but hey, it doesn’t hurt to try and look into these things. Also when you do this you cannot get any more student loans. You can only receive aid/financial support, but once you claim this disability you have to find other ways to pay.

Back to School

I am also on the phone with my University as I am typing this out. I am seeing what I need to do to get back into the game, and take classes again (part time of course). I am going to take it slow from now on, and just gauge how I react. It would be the first time I would be fully taking my meds, only taking one to two classes, and just being extremely careful as to not fall back into what has happened before.

Food Prep

Finally I am starting to attempt to eat healthy again and I literally spent all my extra money this week on buying healthy food. Which hurts, but hey its all for a good purpose. I really really need to start this third job though, since the Juice Bar has significantly cut my hours. I am barely getting by at the moment. But hey it will be ok 🙂 (I think!!!)

Got my brown rice, and sweet potatoes all done (picture below)!

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On a side note…

Time to get ready to work out!

Why Hello There, My World: Good and Bad

 

Apologize for any mistakes, I do not feel up to rereading all of this and correcting anything!

Beware: Unedited and probably full of errors- if you are a proponent of proper English, and errors send you into crazed madness do not read!

You probably know what I mean when I say I feel like my entire world is crashing at my feet. I haven’t been posting much, and I do apologize, I have just been extremely busy. Because of the debt I am in, and my future goals, I have been working 50+ hours a week. I have not had much time for the gym :/ which I am really upset about (I probably have lost a lot of muscle mass, and set myself back significantly). Let me go through what is happening right now in my life.

The Good

  • I have been promoted to manager at the Saratoga Juice Bar. It is a small accomplishment, but something to be happy for. I am just glad I get to put it on my resume now! I really love working there. I enjoy the nutritional aspect, and the people I work with are very amiable. It truly is a blessing to be able to work for this establishment. Check them out at: http://saratogajuicebar.com/ if you want to take a peek!
  • I got a job at my Vent Fitness!!! (Clifton Park). It is only part time, but this is really what I want to start doing more and I figured what better way to start off my quest in mental and fitness health than working at the gym I really love.
  • I have a lot of bills, but I am finally able to pay them all myself. I am also able to spend a little money on myself as well on the side now, which I don’t even know how to explain how good that feels (girls know what I mean, shopping therapy really worksss).

The Bad

  • My relationship of 5 years is possibly at an end. I cannot and will not point fingers at him or myself saying it is either of our faults. There were many issues, we tried out best, and in the end I don’t know if we can get past them. Either way, it is life shattering. I only remember feeling like this once before, and I hate it. I have been having to take more of my anxiety pills because I just keep thinking about it over and over and it is completely stressing me out. That heavy feeling in my chest won’t go away. I don’t know if I should respect his request for space or if he really wants me to reach out and fight for him. Either way, I always feel so confused also because I feel like my illness always gets in the way in my relationships. I feel that most likely it has affected 50% or more, and I hate it. Looking back now I can see the patterns, and I had some really wonderful kind people, but I would get into this strange period where I was just done. I was cold, unfeeling, emotionless, for almost no reason. That is not what happened here, but there was another factor. Basically I am sad, tired, lonely, and utterly unhappy. (If you know me and you are reading this, please don’t feel the need to do anything, I am not writing this as a call for help from you or for any pity. It is just for those out there who are struggling too.)
  • My bills are really high. I need to figure out if there is any federal exemptions for people with mental illnesses. I have to start paying back some of my loans next month because I failed last semester (had another episode). So I really need to do some research, and if any of you know anything about things like this please share!
  • I am having a lot of trouble sleeping. I don’t want to take my anxiety medicine to sleep, but  have consistently been unable to sleep through the night. This just adds to my fatigue, and when I am not working usually you can find me in my bed. I am currently struggling to get up and finish cleaning like I want to.
  • Having trouble eating, not hungry. I actually could consider this good, because maybe I’ll finally lose some weight, but no. Its either I am not hungry, or I am binge eating on bad things. I need to get this under control, but I am pretty sure I am battling a slight case of depression right now, so oh wells. Nothing new lol :-p

 

Don’t worry I am still fighting, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I believe God has a plan for me, that I am on this earth for a purpose, and I will get there one day.

Stephen Piorkowsk: Running from the Past to Run to a Brighter Future

I had the privilege of living near Stephen’s wife, Pam a few years back and I am so glad I met them. They were the ones to introduce me to NAMI, and it is really nice/refreshing to talk to other people who really truly understand your struggles.

I can personally attest to how helpful it is to read about others struggles, strategies, and recovery etc.. We need to get mental illnesses out in the open, and eliminate the stigma that makes people feel like they have to hide. I just found out from a friend that her college professor recently committed suicide. Who knows if such a heartbreaking tragedy could have been prevented if maybe she felt she could be more open, that it was okay to seek help, that she wouldn’t be judged.

Being depressed is an illness that needs to be treated, just like the flu or cancer.

I hope I can make a difference in this fight, even if it is just a small one.

I asked Stephen if he would be willing to share his story and here it is 🙂


If you would like to share your own story, please feel free to e-mail it to me and I would be more than happy to share it!

Fightwithfitness@outlook.com


 

Stephen Piorkowski                                                                                        July 2, 2014

Running from the Past to Run to a Brighter Future

 

 

Years go by and your memories of the past are shaded by what seemed to be great, and memories that were bad. I was around 17 when I was caught in a whirlwind of events that changed my life forever. My brother was in the army and stationed around Boston. Our family received a call that he was A.W.O.L. I thought that going up to find him would help and get him to safety. Little did I know that my safety was in jeopardy. I found my brother and convinced him to return to his base. I was still up in Boston and staying with people who offered me a place. One night, I came back home without any knowledge of a curfew. I left the subway train and, as soon as I left the station I was caught in the middle of a riot between the Boston police and the Black Panthers and the Weathermen Underground. I was surrounded by police and was battered with clubs on my head that resulted in me receiving a traumatic brain injury (T.B.I.) I could only see blood around me and was taken to a hospital. I could not get out of bed and I could not speak, no words left my mouth. I could not remember things. My parents brought me home from Boston in mid-August and my Senior Year in High School was going to start. I could not bring myself to even thinking of going to school in the shape I was in. My parents argued with me about this, they found out by going my doctor I could get home nurse care. The nurse that I had, helped me by getting me out and found me a job with the County. It was a job that I shared with others and it was not challenging for me and motivated me to move on to better places to work. I still was suffering from the Brain Injury:I started having Grand Mal seizures, and on top of that I became depressed. I just existed by working different jobs and going out with friends. I had no plans and was just caught in a whirlwind of depression and epilepsy .

I started to see my life and independence was declining. I wanted to find a way to become healthy and change my life. I went to the library and researched epilepsy. No internet at that time every piece of information was found in libraries. I found that there were people who saw improvement by running. I started to run and I was a smoker at the time. I stopped because my breathing was so affected. I remember running a 5 mile race and I saw black and stars. I decided to stop. I also changed my friends. I could not be around people who used drugs. I stopped taking drugs and I started running about 5 miles a day and running races on weekends by 3 to 4 months I was running 50 miles a week and I decided to run my first marathon. It was the 1982 Jersey Shore Marathon and I finished under 4 hours. That was a great time for a first time marathon. I worked and trained for the New Your Marathon in 1983 and I ran 10 consecutive New York Marathons and did not miss a running workout for years. The decision to change my friends and choose a healthy lifestyle was my decision based on research that I discovered. I also found that my depression was not an issue. My seizures were controlled. I had a couple in those 10 years but I believe running gave me strength to handle stress by me controlling stress (long distance running) and going to great distances to become strong.

I was married in New York and I lived in Brooklyn. I worked at Columbia University as a Production coordinator for the College. I also worked for the New York Road Runners Club as a race event coordinator. I received money from people who ran races but as soon as that was finished I was able to run all races for free. I became the Prospect Track Club runner of the year by finishing over 400 miles of races and I am not even saying how many training miles that I ran.

Eventually after being married we decided to have children. We tried to have children but miscarriages happened and we decided to adopt. We traveled to Hungary to adopt our twins and we came back home after 5 weeks. We had plans to have a nanny to take care of our children but that fell apart. With not many options we decided that I would take care of the children. Twins from an orphanage was very challenging but I did well. I found programs that they could belong to that would address the issues children from orphanages face. Physical therapy, speech therapy and head start programs to give them extra care. After 6 months of taking care of my twins I decided it was time to return to work. I decided to change my career from a production coordinator of printing to a chef. I was hired to work for the prestigious Whitney family of Saratoga. I worked from 7 in the morning to about 7 at night and loved the job and did well. I wanted to continue but my former wife had no interest in taking care of the children and decided that I should not work those hours. Well I was hired to work those hours and even more because they wanted me to travel to Saratoga, Georgia , England to cook for the Whitney’s and their staff. Eventually I left not felling happy and depressed. I also did not mention that I was not supported by my former wife to even get a break. I stopped running when we adopted the children. I also stopped taking my epilepsy medication because during the time that I ran. Running and exercise made me strong both mentally and physically. I took care of my twin sons at home and participated in school events and activities. My former wife did not but after 8 years of taking great care of our sons she decided that she wanted me to leave. I searched for work but it was hard because over those years I was a stay home dad. No one wanted to hire me and I became depressed. Suicidal thoughts started to emerge I felt lost and without support more than ever my former wife threatened to throw me out and the more I heard that the more depressed I became. I felt trapped and I had to think quickly. I was weakened by my former wife by her way of making me feel useless. My moral sunk, my confidence was gone and the only thoughts I had were how I was going to survive. We had a home in Brooklyn and a home in Ocean Grove NJ. I took my sons to the Jersey Shore home in Ocean Grove all summer long and on holidays and weekends. My former wife argued with me about moving out and one weekend she said she was going to her mothers with the boys. I decided that this was the time for me to leave I packed everything I could in a van. Moved to Ocean Grove and that was my freedom returning. But at a cost I moved in with hardly any money and had to find work. I turned manic and started losing sleep maybe lucky if I could get a couple hours in. I wasn’t eating well and started to feel freedom from my depression that held me captive when I was abused by my former wife. I did so much but did not have a stable concrete foundation and never felt any comfort.

I started having seizures during my depression just before I left my former wife I just did not know what were the causes. Then I found out because during the years that I ran I was not depressed or having seizures. I was healthy because I trained and worked out. I ate well and slept well.

I left the Jersey Shore and my former wife in Brooklyn and moved up to Albany eventually settling in Delmar NY. I had started my routine again running every day and training for races. I became strong and seizures stopped. I started to work at RPI after working as a customer service representative. The hours in the kitchen were sometimes 60 hours and even when they were 40 hour weeks I was too tired to run. I worked hard to become a good baker and chef but had a supervisor who just was terrible to me and other staff members. I had my hours reduced and was in such bad shape because of the worry of my finances. This set me in another depression. I was not sleeping worrying about work and money. I was worried because of my lack of sleep that I was going to have a seizure. I was getting better because I was prescribe medication that helped after going through some trial and error. I asked Pam to marry me and we set the date for June 9th 2012 and got married in Providence RI and left to Iceland on our honeymoon. Well everything caught up to me and when we landed in Iceland I had two seizures, one out on the street and then when I was sent to our hotel, I had one in the room. After 30 hours on intravenous valium and resting we were able to go on. We came home back to Delmar and I had two more. One at home with my wife Pam calling the first aid and the ambulance taking me to Albany Med. When in Albany Med I had another and it was a severe one. One that had the doctors hospitalize me. I was released and was told to not drive and I was noticing some mania. I was so upset that I was unable to drive that I biked over 40 miles every day to Troy NY from Delmar. I also wanted to be independent, so I walked biked everywhere. When I was out sick from the seizures and had a lot of time so I set a room up in my house that connected a complete stereo system, TV, computer, tape player, record player CD player, DVD player and desk with art work in one night. I did not sleep again. I seems the seizures that I have and the bipolar symptoms are related. I sometimes are fearful of their return.

I considered therapies to become healthy again and I decided that it was time to go to a outpatient treatment center at Four Winds at Saratoga. . I went for 8 weeks and I believe it improved my mental health but I had to make things better. It took me time to find a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist. The Psychologist helped Pam and me work out our problems and the Psychiatrist eventually prescribe Lithium that was so vital for my recovery. I started going to Schenectady College last September and since then I have been on the Presidents List for the Fall and Spring Terms. I also was awarded a scholarship. I have been seizure free for over a year and my doctor said I can drive again. I started running again and I feel better than ever.

Healthy Minds and healthy bodies are both as important to enjoy life. I will go on sharing my stories and look forward to brighter days.

My wife Pam

She has been through a lot . Having to witness and help me when I had a seizure on our honeymoon I shared the trauma that she experienced. I feel that it’s just as hard for a person to see as it is a person having a seizure. I wanted to get help for her and the epilepsy foundation gave her counseling. I received counseling also. I started putting my life together and Pams thanks to them. Pam worked extra hard to go to workshops at NAMI and get support for caregivers of people with mental illness. I still struggle with the stigma of mental illness and epilepsy and hope education and awareness will free those of us mislabeled.

 

Thank you Stephen

 

Wonderful Post I found about Bread

 

The Facebook page I found this wonderful information on, and her website are:

https://www.facebook.com/DebbieHMartindale/timeline

http://www.turbodebbie.com

This is the actual article talking about the bread:

http://foodbabe.com/2014/02/24/healthiest-bread-on-the-market/

Here is also a link to the only type I can usually find in stores:

http://www.foodforlife.com/about_us/ezekiel-49


I  have actually been buying Ezekial bread myself for a while now since talking with my nutritionist at my gym. She said IF I was going to insist on eating bread I should stick with that kind.

The only problem you may have is finding it! I got so angry walking around the bread aisles at the stores near me, and was so relieved when Catrina at the Vent Fitness in Latham (http://www.ventfitness.com/) FINALLY explained to me how to find it! Since it is not very popular (at least in my area), and it does go bad somewhat fast,  I have to travel to Trader Joe’s or look in the frozen section in grocery stores. So far I have only found it in Hannaford and Trader Joe’s nearby, but I haven’t been hunting for it everywhere I go either.

Also, if you like to put your bread in the fridge to help it keep longer like me, I would advise you not to. Unless you have some sort of container that helps keep it moist, the bread for me becomes extremely crumbly and dry.


What is so unique about this article is it takes the different types of bread you commonly see in the grocery stores and points out the questionable/unhealthy ingredients! If you love bread as much as I do please check this out!

I am also attempting to start using lettuce/romaine leaves instead of bread so wish me luck! Will be posting some of my food creations soon!

Know what is going in your food. I know I don’t always adhere to this myself, I struggle everyday, and fail most days to eat healthy, but just do the best you can. It is better to eat healthy half the time than not at all! (Not making that my motto at all, but just wanted to be positive and encouraging about it!)

P.S. Bread if my WEAKNESS.

My favorite thing to do is take potato rolls or the sweet Hawaiian bread and literally dip them in the butter tub.

SO BAD!

Workout: Tuesday 6/11/14

So already I am behind on my schedule! *grrr* I was SUPPOSED to do leg day on Monday…but hey I guess everything doesn’t always go as planned and we just have to improvise ;). This workout was particularly hard for me, possibly because it was my first time at the gym since I got sick. I didn’t get to get everything in, but what I missed I will add in later on today after work!

  • 15 minute warm up on the elliptical
  • Leg extension machine x12 (3 sets)
  • I WAS going to do the leg curl machine afterwards, but you know…some ladies need their social time and thus decide that they need to do it while they are “working out”…. Makes me so angry. DO NOT DO THIS!!! There are people who go to the gym to actually accomplish something rather than exercising their jaw muscles… Have a little respect and consideration for others <3.

Sorry about the rant, might feel a little strongly about this :-p.

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Ok :-p I think I got that off my chest ❤

back to my workout…

  • Smith machine squats (narrow, wide, sumo)
    • 20lbs x12, 12, 12
    • 40lbs x12, 12, 12
    • 60lbw x12, 12, 12
    • 80lbs x7, 7, 7
    • 100lbs x3, 2, 3
  • Romanian deadlifts (60lbs) and lunges
    • x20 (deadlifts), 20 (lunges on each leg, so total of 40)
    • x15, 20
    • x16, 29
    • x9, 15
  • Seated calf raise (in, middle, out)
    • 70lbs x12, 12, 12
    • 75lbs x12, 12, 12
    • 80lbs x12, 12, 12
  • Dumbbell squat 25lbs for the duration of the song : Wiggle by Jason Derulo (yes I know…I just can’t help myself…)
  • Side lunges for the duration of the songs: Stay with My by Sam Smith, and Wild Love by Pitbull

 

I then had to haul a** out of the gym to make to do dinner with Nate and Paige!

Hiking Algonquin in the Adirondacks

Decided to hike the second highest peak in New York last week! It was so beautiful, and Dino really enjoyed the hike. The little trooper must have walked at least 3-4 miles himself, and them was carried half of the way when it got steep. You know you are getting in shape when you hike 8 miles and are totally fine the next morning! I was completely surprised. Last time we did Marcy and I DIED the next day. The only bad thing was I definitely got a sunburn, but hey next time maybe I will remember the sunscreen! I would recommend the Adirondacks to anyone who is looking for a beautiful place to do some outdoorsy things. It is just gorgeous, I am in awe every time we drive up there.

http://visitadirondacks.com/

http://www.lakeplacid.com/do/outdoors/summerfall/hiking/46-high-peaks

http://www.lakeplacid.com/do/hiking/algonquin-mountain

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Definitely not an “easy” trail, but well worth the time and effort!

 

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Doctor’s Visit: Reality Check

Have I ever mentioned how telling the truth of how things are in your life and fessing up are the hardest things for me? I am so much better at blocking out the bad and pushing forward. Sometimes though, you cannot keep running, it eventually catches up. Which totally sucks by the way :-p

So I saw my doctor and confessed to him everything that has been going on. How I didn’t finish school, and have not been really great about taking my medication like I should. He gave me homework:

#1- get an app to remind me to take my pills, and actually do it
#2- get in touch with my advisor and talk to her about everything

He also mentioned that possibly my venture into this whole fitness thing might be some sort of coping mechanism to help me feel better about not doing well in school. Sort of a, I am working hard in one area to make up for my lacking in the other. While I do not regret the choice to live a healthier lifestyle, this does makes sense, and I am going to try to be more aware of it, and I am never going to give up on school. I will finish no matter how long it takes me!

#3- I have to get another hand brace that fits properly. The official diagnosis is De Quervains Tenosynovitis! So I just need to take some Aleve, ice my hand, and give it tons of rest. Nothing major, just more annoying than anything.

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And just remember!

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Keep up the hard work in whatever you are doing. Something is better than nothing!

Workout Tuesday 5/21/2014

Goood Morning!!! ❤

So yesterday I officially went on my first bike ride in who knows how many years. It all came back too, I didn’t fall off and face plant onto the cement (yay haha).

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Look at my little biker self :-p

Anywaysss… My roommate has been biking to and from work for sometime now and I can see why she does it (besides having a completely crappy car that breaks down on her all the time…). It was a decent workout, and I could really feel it in my quads for the small amount of time we spent riding around the neighborhood. Great way to get out and about, and even participate in some cool fundraisers/charity events (such as the Tour De Cure!).

So back to my workout:

  • Romanian Deadlifts
  • Smith Machine Squats- Narrow (hip width), Wide (outside of hips), and Sumo.
    • 20lbs x12 (1 set of each)
      • superset with 20 lunges (alternating 10 on each leg)
    • 40lbs x12 (1 set of each)
      • superset with 20 lunges

Small break because my workout buddy FORGOT she had a meeting at work so we had to break it up and go back when she was done :-p (workout fail)

Concluding with a nice stretching sesh, and a good nights sleep! ❤

Keep fighting! Keep pushing towards your goals :). It may take longer than you would like but you will get there one day!

Workout Monday 5/20/14

It’s getting close to the end of the Reinvent challenge at my gym (Vent Fitness)! So I am going to be adding a lot more cardio to my workouts to try and lose some of this pudge! Also…I am attempting to eat better also… ATTEMPTING… my 7+ Hershey Cookies N Crème bar binge yesterday might not have helped… (I know I should fight my food cravings when I am down…but…it is so hard…and it just makes me feel so much better- until I get a stomach ache… :-p ) That is my weakness by far: my diet. I applaud those of you who have it all under control, because I can’t seem to muster the will sometimes to stick to it.

Alsooo… I have what I believe to be tendonitis in my thumb. So lucky me! I am wearing a thumb stabilizer hand brace, which let me tell you is oh so attractive (and fun…). I feel like right around 23/25 my body has rebelled against me and started falling apart. This is also why I am so adamant and into my workout routine. I need to stay as healthy as possible for as long as I can! On to what I am really supposed to be posting about: my workout.

  • 6:30 am Kinetix with Arleen
    • A metabolic session taking you through a 4-cell training process focusing on power and strength in a functional calorie blasting workout!
  • 8:15 am BodyVive
    • Low-impact group fitness workout using VIVE balls, tubes, and optional hand weights
    • I will just mention that it says low impact, but in no way is this class easy. You can adjust the tube strength for more resistance, and it burnnssss!
  • 10:00 pm I took a 4.2 mile run with a small pee/Dino potty break at 3 miles in.

Feeling good and accomplished! Now I’m off to leg day at the Latham Vent, with my bestest Jenniferrrr. ❤