Gave up on the struggle here because honestly, besides a few friends, I had nothing left here to keep struggling for. I was working three jobs, working out when I could, and trying to maintain relationships with friends (who turned out to not really be my friends anyways). So I officially said f* it I am going home.
This past weekend my daddy and my niece (she was a big help lol) came to help me move most of my things. I have to sell or give away the rest. I am so blessed to have such a supportive and caring family. He would have came that night if I had really need him that badly. How many people can say that their family loves them that much? That they would drop everything immediately to be there for you.
My sister also was a huge factor in my decision to come home. I had no idea how much my troubles were affecting my family as well. She told me she was tired of seeing me struggle and being so unhappy. Until then I hadn’t ever heard her really talk to me like that. It reminded me that I was loved unconditionally, and sometimes family is the best place to find it.
Dealing with the depression of relationships lost, and failing to maintain a sufficient lifestyle here is hard. However, I am going to make the most of it. I am going to go back home, get some skills, find a good job and move on. Who knows what lies ahead of me!
Thank you to all of you for your support and I hope if anything I can inspire and reach at least one of you.
Honestly I have had to take my clonazepam the past couple of nights to sleep well. I am so hesitant to take them now because some unkind man I know (no names) basically tried to tell me I was going down the road of a pill popping alcoholic. <– I most certainly am not but oh well it still hurts/bothers me. But I gave in after being unable to sleep really for over a week. I was so tired I actually got sick and ended up sleeping for 14 hours the day before yesterday, and 8+ hours yesterday. I feel much better, but I have a lingering cold.
I shouldn’t be ashamed to take my medicine. No one should. It is the cruelty of other people who do not bother to really understand the affects of mental illness. I swear, whenever I tell someone I am slightly bipolar and have anxiety and depression issues they view/treat me different. It almost always gets used against me in a relationship. Which isn’t fair at all. I wouldn’t hold it against a diabetic, or a cancer patient that they needed to do certain things to survive and live day to day Why do people judge me. STUPID STIGMA!!!! ❤ lol Ok enough of my rant.
It is leg day tonight. Will post my workout later.
Don’t be afraid to love yourself for who you are.
p.s. The picture is because I got my first blender bottle today! So I can mix my shakes by hand since I will probably not be going to a gym that offers to blend my shakes for me (I have been spoiled!!!). It is a milestone!
So I just worked at the Juice Bar today and had tonight off. So I got to workout! :)- After I was super duper lazy/tired and took a 4 hour nap… yeah that’s right…4 HOURS lol I woke up and was like ommggggg. So I went to the gym at like 7:30ish and you would think hey it’d be decently dead. NO! It has been so busy the past couple of days. So since I got there in time for Body Jam I’d just go for it.
If you don’t know what Body Jam is and you love to dance/love Zumba, you should definitely check it out. It is a Les Mills Group Fitness Class, and boy do I work up a sweat in it. I love to “warm up” with it (or Zumba!).
Here is a video with a bunch of French people (in French haha):
So that should give you a pretty good idea. It is an hour long, and I get super hot and sweaty in it. So it is definitely a fun cardio workout. You can make it as hard as you want!
Since I tried jumping back in the game a little too fast, causing my sciatica to flare up, I have been focusing on my abs and lower back. So I just basically did a lot of dead lifts, back extensions, supermans, and ab work etc. Was at the gym from 7:30 to 10:00ish so I got a good workout in!
I am also so proud of this girl I recently met while working at the gym! She is going to her first competition this weekend and I couldn’t be happier for her! Pictures and details to come! I really wish her the best. (it is also her first time on a plane, so I hope it is a good experience for her- lord knows how awful I am at flying now…..)
I had my protein shake, and now I am munching on this delicious soup!
People are always like nuts are healthy therefore let me just go grab a whole tub of them and chow down.
Many are packed with some of the following: protein, unsaturated fats, omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, vitamin E, plant sterols, and L-arginine.
1 ounce/28 grams of almonds
Around 23 almonds = 1 ounce
1g saturated fat
3.5g polyunsaturated fat
9g monounsaturated fat
So if you were to eat 1 cup of almonds (which would be ridiculously easy to do…) you would have consumed…
The daily intake for each person is varied depending on his/her body, do not let anyone tell you there is a universal absolute rule about your diet. You are unique, and therefore your diet is unique also.
But in the general scheme of things the daily recommended intake of each is 40% carb, 30% fat, and 30% protein.